I’m coming awake. Some days I don’t want to, but I’m coming awake. One thing God is waking me to is my true heart’s desires. A couple months ago, I had ideas about the direction my life would take, but I’m realizing my heart is no longer there. Without Doug, so many of those dreams and plans have no shape. What I used to be passionate about as a team, feels empty when looked at solo. My thoughts turned toward career possibilities. I’m a little lost, there. I have a decent resume, thanks to a friend, but I have no college degree, which is important in the fields I’m equipped for. I thought I would pursue writing in some capacity, but any writing project will take time to produce profit, and I don’t have that kind of time.

As I awaken I’m surprised at what I’m learning about myself. I used to tell Doug, if I could get paid to take care of and love my family and friends, I’d be completely happy. It’s so true. I’ve thought of things that I love to do that could generate an income, and they’re all involved with helping people. I want to cook or teach cooking. I want to write. I have a list of things I want to teach. I want to write about what I’ve learned and experienced in my life; how God has directed every step and shown himself to be amazing and wonderful, and how I know that it’s not just for me. I want to help people learn how to live in that knowledge.

I came to realize in this waking that my dreams are amazing. At this point, only God knows what that reality looks like. I’m almost fifty years old, and my career has been one that I thought I would never change, yet here I am. I want to step out, but I’m unsure. What direction do I go? How do I even do this?  My dreams have expanded. Where will I go?

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