Attempting Honesty

This is attempt number four in the last couple weeks at a blog entry. It’s never been so hard to put words together. I’m writing in my journal more, but not the kind of thing that I want to blog about. There are a couple impressions and areas I feel God is expounding to me that I thought you might like to hear, but I I’ve tried to bring them from journal to article, and all I get is evidence of how disconnected my brain is. Today, I decided I’d share something from my journal and leave it at that. I want to be honest and raw, and this is the only way I can think to do it. It feels self-indulgent, but I’ve been told more times than I can remember that I need to share these things and that it will help others. I hope somehow it does.

“So many emotions. Thankfully, the one that keeps threading through them all is gratitude. God, how do you do it? How do you bring the dross to the top, scoop it off, and let me cry out my confusion and regret, leaving me feeling your love? I know you’ll never leave me, but I can’t help begging you to stay.”

God is helping me move. My heart has been numb, my arms limp at my sides, and my feet uninterested in any activity. We start the day together. He’s surprised me again with how he works in kindness and grace in my spirit. I start every day blessed.

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