Taking Steps, Always Forward

I just took a huge step toward my future. I applied for a grant for an administrative assistant certification course. It doesn’t start until the fall, but I had to get the application in now. I also delivered the last of the proofs and paperwork for cash and food assistance, and the Displaced Worker Program.  There won’t be enough cash to even pay a third of the rent, but it will help, and the main thing is getting help with finding a job.

I keep adjusting to this new life. It’s not what I wanted, but I’m learning so much that I’ll be able to use when I get into the life I’m working toward.

Our immediate financial situation doesn’t appear as peachy, but God also has that in his hands, even though I don’t see his solution. There is literally nothing we can do to help the situation with the cars. If someone would like to buy either one, that would be great, but you’d have to bring the loan up to date and take over the rest of the balance. We would love to do that rather than have them repossessed, but it would have to be soon.

Our family passed another couple “firsts” this weekend. We went to the first wedding without Doug, and had our first Mother’s Day without him. Firsts can be okay, but they can also suddenly hit you in a moment. I should have made sure I had tissue during the wedding. “In sickness and in health—” It holds so much more meaning than we feel when we’re young and healthy. It’s so literal. After the dinner, when things were winding into the dance, I was tired and ready to go, just waiting for Aleina to finish visiting. As soon as the father-daughter dance started, she was ready. Bittersweet. We love this father and daughter. We’ve prayed for them and with them. This was Doug’s best friend. We love the whole family dearly. They’ve been with us and we’ve been with them through some of life’s hardest times. We’ve fought in the trenches together, sometimes the wounded warrior, sometimes the guardian. You don’t lose experiences like that. There’s a bond that reaches beyond the soul, deep into the spirit.  It’s time to catch our breath again. Time to move forward again.

Mother’s Day was truly good. It was something I’ve needed; calm. It was calm and peaceful and quiet. I think it would have been false to have had a day filled with activity. Nothing was going to disguise the fact that the father of the kids who call me mother was not with us. There was a lot of love, and that’s what our family has always been about. I had to run some of those last-minute errands for my trip, and shopping means Aleina and me and Caribou; and the kids took me out to Vo’s for dinner. It was fun and sweet. The rest of the day was sitting around watching goofy videos and The Great British Baking Show: Masterclass. Then to bed, but not as early as I should have.

Now that we made it through the weekend, it’s time to catch my breath and pack for my trip. Again, moving forward.

God is so good! I leave for my trip tomorrow. I’ll have two weeks with friends I have longed to see for years. I’m blown away that almost all sixteen days are now filled with lunches and parties and get-togethers with different people. I know that God is going to do something wonderful and amazing. I want to bless those I touch, no matter where I am! Good things are coming.

I feel a sense of accomplishment after getting through the weekend and all the paperwork I’ve conquered. (Seriously! Have you ever applied for assistance, or a student grant?! Holy wasted forests, Batman!) These experiences are new and baffling, and the changes feel extreme. I choose to embrace every transformation because only God is leading my way. Not for the first time in my life, I’m glad that he knows me so much better than I know myself.

As I told my employment counselor; This was not my plan, but it is my adventure!

This entry was posted in Creative Writing, Journal in the Journey, Just a Thought..., Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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